An update..

I realize I haven't posted in a while. I started out in the Celebrate Recovery program through Saddleback church, and attempted to start their 12-step program, but found that the atmosphere was too much for me to handle. Both had very large groups, and over time I have found that I do not do well in those environments.

The good news is that I am able to stay with Saddleback through their Internet Campus. I attend an online group every Tuesday, and am able to listen to Pastor Rick's sermon on the weekends on my computer. It's been a couple of weeks, and it seems to be going really well.

On the school front, I am one week away from finishing up the fall semester. I took History, Philosophy, Sociology, and Computer Information Systems. I'm fairly certain I'm getting A's in three of the classes, and depending on how I do on my final I am hoping for an A in History as well. Right now I'm getting a "solid B" as my instructor likes to put it.

The next semester starts on January 19th, and I am taking English, Math, Anthropology, and a Health Science class. One class is online, one is hybrid, and the other two are regular on-campus courses. I was considering taking a winter intersession class, but they are not offering any due to budget cutbacks. With one week left to go I can honestly say that even if they WERE offering the intersession, I would probably not take any classes. I am EXHAUSTED and cannot wait for the break!

Speaking of the break, J and I are going to Wisconsin Christmas Day through New Years Eve. Really looking forward to getting to see my family and friends. It's been a whole year since I've been out there! My mom has promised me turkey for Christmas since we missed out on Thanksgiving here.

Weight loss wise I'm holding pretty stable -105 pounds. I have started cooking on the weekends for the week (thanks to Shelly's recipes!) and am eating much healthier than I probably ever have. Even Jeremy is starting to eat better too! Well, truth be told, he never was the fast-food type of person like I was. See? I said WAS. I love my new, healthy, life!

I have homework to finish up on for the semester, so I should go - but happy holidays to everyone (Christmas isn't here yet!!!).

Celebrate Recovery - Part 2

This is the next entry in the DENIAL lesson, part of Principle One of the Celebrate Recovery Road to Recovery.

E - Energy Drain - Psalm 146:7-8 - "He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets prisoners free, the Lord gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down, the Lord loves the righteous."

This says that a major side effect of denial is anxiety. Anxiety causes us to waste precious energy dealing with past hurts and failures, as well as with fear of the future.

There is more discussion on this in the Celebrate Recovery Bible, which can be picked up at:

http://www.saddlebackresources.com/en-US/CELEBRATERECOVERY/Resources/Resources.htm

They say to spend at least a little time devoted to your recovery each day, which is what I am doing with these readings. Taking one day at time seems a little easier when it is broken down into individual verses.

I was able to spend some time today out in nature; I started out on a geology walk this morning at the Ocean Institute, but felt sick, so I came home. And I slept for a good 4.5 hours. I feel better, which is good - we are going to the NASCAR race tomorrow!

Stay tuned for the next reading...

Celebrate Recovery? I might once I get there...

So, tonight I went to my second Celebrate Recovery meeting. The first one was very different than the one tonight. The first one was a newcomers meeting, to introduce you to how the open share groups work. Tonight was actual sharing. Due to confidentiality, I won't say what I or anyone else shared in group. It's against the rules, and well, just in poor taste.

So, as of tonight, I am starting to work the program. They work off Eight Principles.

Principle One says: Realize I'm not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

I have a feeling I am going to say this a lot over the next year, but if anything has hit me square in the jaw, it has to be this first Principle.

It is broken down into two questions:

Are we wearing a mask of denial?
Over what do we really have control?

First, we have to face our denial. There are six verses that follow along with the word denial, and these notes are going to share various verses that follow along with all eight Principles.

D - Disables our feelings - 2 Peter 2:19 - "They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity - for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him."

There is a discussion that goes along with this in the Celebrate Recovery Bible. If you are interested, please go to:

http://www.saddlebackresources.com/en-US/CELEBRATERECOVERY/CelebrateRecovery.htm

I will be writing these notes for me. If you are not interested, please do not read. If I've got you on the list for my blog updates and you do not want these posts, let me know and I will take you off the update list. If you are interested, feel free. I cannot say much about the program right now, than to say that I got through tonight.

Baby steps.

Good Morning!

I woke up this morning realizing that I haven't written since last week's emotional session in group. A few things have happened since then; some exciting - some not. I'll just go over the weekend, because that's when most of the cool stuff happened.


Friday afternoon I was leaving to pick up Jeremy from work; there was a movie in the park in Dana Point that night and we were going to spend a nice, relaxing evening in town and hang out. Well, walking out to my car, I see this:

Doesn't look too bad, does it? I think to myself, "uh oh - another car fire on the freeway" (I am terrible at discerning direction from inside the complex). Well, I go to pull out of the driveway and look up Moulton - and you cannot even see the street, because of the black smoke. It was a brush fire, and it was about 1/2 mile away from the complex. I called J - said no to the movie, and came back in to start throwing some things in a bag or two to evacuate. When he got home, he trekked to the top of the hill overlooking where the fire was, and was able to see that they had it contained and that we were in no danger. Once he calmed me down (I had gotten a little panicky at that point) we were able to go to the movie in Dana Point.

Which, by the way - was really fun! They showed Madagascar 2. It was a clear, cool night - we sat on a couple of camping chairs, I had a blanket - J had popcorn. And the view before the movie started definitely was NOT bad!

Yes, that is ocean in the background. We were at Lantern Bay Park, right across from the Marriott. And if things couldn't get any better - yes, we had a fire scare at home; but this was acutally quite cozy to be next to once it was dark out:





On Saturday, I donated platelets at UCI in Orange. They are different than the Red Cross; because if they do not have the supply they need on hand, they have to purchase the platelets and whole blood. After that, we went to lunch at Mexicasa (yum!) then went to our storage in Corona to grab some things. We ended up in Ontario dropping off a few things for Jeremy's brother. The weather was great in Ontario! Overcast, and sprinkling when we left.


Sunday we headed to Disneyland, but not before we stopped at the Irvine Animal Care Center for their Super Pet Adoption Fair. J and I want to adopt a pug, and one of the rescues we are looking at was there. We saw some very cute puggies! Jeremy kept looking for the one with the perfect "turd tail". He was funny. I ended up holding the cutest pug ever (and didn't get a picture). But one particular pug caught my attention. Her name was Nadia. She had deformed front legs and an underdeveloped eye, but was the most lovable one there! Here she is:





Then, after the pet fair, Jeremy and I went to Disneyland. We missed it!

Then I worked on homework yesterday and am going to continue doing so today. But I had a wonderful weekend with my man!

This is going to be a long one, folks.

So I just got home from my psych support group. It was a tough, emotional hour and a half. It's always so hard to motivate myself to go, because I know it's not going to be pleasant. But at the same time, when group is done, and I am walking out the door, I always feel 200% better. I don't know if it's me sharing what's going on, or listening to other people and realizing I'm not alone, or even just being in the company of people in general. I used to be a social creature by nature, now I'm not so much. And I'm not sure why - sometimes I think it's because I do not want to draw any attention to myself, because then I feel like I have to explain why I am the way I am, or act the way I act. When I first came out to California, it was hard to make friends, because of my previous marriage and my daughter - not because they were my past, but trying to explain to people how I got to where I was - it was just plain difficult and unpleasant. Now, I feel the same way, only I feel the need to explain to people the whole bipolar deal. I don't know why - not everyone needs to know that I have this illness. But to me, I have to qualify my actions (or non actions) with an explanation. It's freaking hard either way.

Anyway, I was able to share quite a bit today, as the group was small (so each person got more time than usual). There's a list, and I'll try to keep it as easy reading as possible. Now, I'm pretty much writing all this to just get it out - if you do not want to read past this point (or have already stopped reading) I do not blame you. What follows is me just thinking and writing.

Numero uno on my mind was school. I am starting up at Cypress again beginning this summer. Now, I'm not too concerned about the summer session. I'm taking an online class (Weather and Climate) and while the subject matter is completely new to me, I have taken classes online and I am comfortable enough with that format to work through it. The problem comes when I start thinking about the Fall semester - and I actually have to go to class on campus. I am going to be taking four classes (two of them are repeats from when I was at Cypress in '99). Three of the classes are on campus, one is online. The way the schedule works out (if I get into the classes I want) I would be on campus Monday and Wednesday from 10:00 - 3:30 and Thursday from 1:00 - 2:50. One of the classes I have is a photography class, so I imagine I will be spending extra time on campus in the photo lab. It's been a while, but I can only see that as being theraputic. Nothing quite like rolling film in a completely dark room! Anyway, what I am doing to myself is going through all the "what ifs" - what if I don't fit in (it's mostly just out of highschool kids)? - what if I am not smart enough to pass the class? What if I "freak out" and cannot finish the class? What if the department of rehabilitation ends up not paying for school? And I seriously could go on.. and on... once I get started on a "what if" rant, it is VERY hard for me to take a step back and stop. So, the group faciliator did some work with me today regarding that, and recommended I attend a "Rapid Recovery" program. It teaches cognitive behaviors to replace the negative thoughts. Now, generally speaking, I know the behaviors and the steps. But I don't put them into practice. I want to, I just don't - or can't? I'm not sure.

The second thing we talked about was DOGS! Yay, finally - a positive subject! I told the group how we are in the very beginning stages of thinking about getting a pug, and how some breeds can be trained to alert humans to certain behaviors (panic attacks, seizures, etc). The facilitators both agreed that it can be a good thing, but more on the companionship aspect. Getting and training a dog to be a service animal is a serious endeavour, and not one that I am sure I can undertake. Now, having a puggy around to keep me company? I could absolutely handle that! I wonder what Paco would do? Anyway, J and I took the first baby step in our quest for a pug - we bought a food dish :-) It took some thought too! So now we have an empty food dish sitting in our dining room, just waiting for it's own little pug. There's an adoption fair this Sunday in Irvine, and we are going to go - just to look... a couple of pug dog rescues are going to be there, and we will be able to get up close and personal with a couple of pugs and make sure it's the right breed for us. I'm really looking forward to it.

Another fun thing coming up next month - KIM IS COMING TO VISIT!!!! I cannot say enough how excited I am! To me, she cannot get here fast enough, and I know when she is here, it's going to go by waaaay to fast. One of the things we are looking at doing is skydiving. Yup, me - jumping out of a perfectly good plane. I told Kim that if she did it, I would do it with her. The coolest part of all this; is that for a tandem jump the weight limit is 240 pounds. And I make the limit! By at least 25 pounds! I am so happy and proud! I am physically able to do it! Now, mentally - I have no idea LOL. But I promised, so if she jumps, I jump.

Next weekend Jeremy and I are headed up to Convict Lake with his parents and aunt & uncle. We haven't been up there in a couple of years, so I'm pretty excited. Which reminds me, we need to get out to storage in Corona and get our fishing gear. I'm actually debating on whether or not I want to fish. I just know that if I take my gear, I'm not going to want to fish - yet if I leave it at home, I'm going to wish I had it. What I do plan on doing is going on a lot of walks. We visited his parents in San Clemente last week and they stay at this hotel at the top of a hill - and the place we go to eat is on the pier - at the bottom of the hill. Every year thus far, I've cursed that hill and usually had to stop part-way. Not this year! I walked up the hill with NO PROBLEMS! Didn't need to stop to rest, or catch my breath - I was able to just walk up the hill. It felt amazing. While I contribute a lot of that to my weight loss I also know it's because I'm no longer smoking. Either way, I'm a happier (in most ways) healthier me. Who could ask for more?

So, Paco. This last week I've been taking the time I should've been taking all along to spend with him out of his cage. He gets to stretch his wings (which are needing to be clipped again) and he gets a good rubdown from me when he decides to come off his cage and sit on the chair with me. He can get so incredibly lovey when we spend this time together! He lifts up his wings (he likes to be rubbed under his wings) and he puts his head down and presses it into my side so I rub his head. And, he hasn't bitten me yet while doing all this, which is A LOT of progress. After a while, though, he becomes manic birdie and jumps on his cage and starts freaking out. That's when he gets put back in the cage. And he's pretty good about it; for the most part all I have to say is "Paco - in" and he'll do it. Sometimes I have to give him a gentle nudge. That's when I am expecting to get bitten. But, it hasn't happened yet!

Oy vey - I told you this was going to be a long post! But I feel so much better having written it. Sometimes I just need to process what is going on in my head and then I am able to let it go. So, if you've stuck around - thanks for reading! And if you're just now rejoining us - now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Two whole pounds gone! (and lots of pictures...)

My mantra the last month has been "slow and steady wins the race". Well, I stepped on the scale this morning to see it display 212.5. So, two more pounds down. Hey, I'll take it! No complaints here. Must have been all the walking I did yesterday at my docent shift. I took some great pictures this time around; this is a picture of a shovel-nosed guitar fish. It's a species of ray that ranges from central California to the Sea of Cortez. There's more information at wikipedia. He washed up on his own, no one had caught him illegally.

Of course, I saw a ton of sea stars. Here's a few pictures:

There was *one* sea urchin:

Overall, it was a good day. It was overcast and misty, so not too incredibly busy. We ended up taking the table down an hour early. Which was perfect timing for me, because that's when the inlaws showed up! So we got to play in the surf for a while. I would have had more pictures, but my battery in my camera died.

We started that puzzle of Las Vegas this weekend. I had started one night earlier in the week and got the border finished:

Jeremy took the picture from an odd angle, so it looks upside down, but it's really right side up. We sat down at the puzzle for a bit during the weekend, and a couple of hours went by before we knew it. We actually got most of the puzzle finished:

Now Jeremy is working on the black sky, because it just gives me the shakes. The pieces all look the same shape, and they are all black. How does that make sense?? Anyway, I'll post a picture of it when he finishes it (it's not going to look too different than what you are seeing now) and then I'll also post a picture of our next puzzle. It's actually three puzzles that go together to make one photo. It's pretty cool, and it was on sale at Michaels - for $2.97! Each puzzle is 500 pieces. That's quite a steal, if you ask me!

Tonight we are going Red Pin Bowling at Saddleback Lanes. I'll be sure to let you all know how we do. Jeremy usually does better than me (he has a higher average). But the last time we went I won 3 of 4 games (2 games and total pins)! Anyway - I'll be back!

The Puzzle is Finished!

I finished the puzzle last night, although I have to say that without Jeremy's help, I wouldn't have gotten far. Here's a couple of pics of the finished puzzle:

I liked this one, but probably because it was a frog - and I *love* all things frog. Our next one is also a 500 piece - and the subject matter is really cool:

I can already see the black sky being loads of fun. I don't know what it is about puzzles that are just... well, relaxing. Nothing beats sitting across of Jeremy, in silence, working together almost seamlessly. Reminds me of when we worked Matterhorn together. *smile* Now I'm going to be thinking about that all day. And I am most definitely not complaining about that!

I love my husband.

~yawn~ ... ((streeeeeetch))

It was tough getting up today. My eyes would open, then close. Couldn't keep 'em open for the life of me. I finally got up a little while ago. I would've stayed in bed, but I have some cool pictures to share. I was too tired to get them on here last night. First, here's the progress of the puzzle - J's been working on it with me and pretty much did the frog by himself:

We actually finished more of it last night when we got home. It's really coming along, but now I'm afraid that we won't make time for it since the holiday weekend is over. Now, we didn't just work on the puzzle all weekend, J got his office just about set up with all the wiring for the network and cable. And, we even got a few boxes out of the way.

Last night we went and had dinner with his parents in San Clemente. They spend a week there at the end of May every year for his mom's birthday. We had dinner on the pier. Part of the tradition is his mom and I share a bucket of steamed clams the first night:

Oh, the yumminess that is steamed clams... *happy sigh* We had a great dinner - J had a steak, and I had part of a crab cake:

Finally, we had to get a picture of us together on the pier:

A very good night.

Saturday... in the Park..

Actually, we were at the beach. I wanted to try out my new tripod that my mom got me for my birthday (thanks mom!). I wanted to use it at the bridge dedication, but as I was setting it up, I got denied. The party who denied me shall remain nameless. So, I didn't use it then. And turns out, I didn't use it today, either. I wanted to get a longer exposure of the sun going down over the water, but we couldn't see the sun from where we were; it was behind a cliff. So I just shot by hand. Since I was using my film camera, I gave Jeremy my digital to take some pictures. He did pretty well:

Where you see the bottom of the stairway - that is not underwater during low tide. it was high tide when we were there today. Usually you can walk at least 20 feet out to the tide pools from that stairway. Here's a great creative shot that Jeremy took:

So, we had a nice time there. We didn't stay long - there were a bunch of high school kids all dressed up for some kind of event at the Ocean Institute, where we parked. But it sure was nice while we were there. One thing that amazes me more than watching the ocean, is the sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore. It's unmistakable - if I had to relate it to another sound that was just as unmistakable, it would be the sound of a Space Shuttle Launch. Either way, when you hear it, you pretty much know what it is.

Last night, J and I worked on our puzzle a little bit. It's going to be a hard one, at least I think so. Jeremy thinks it won't be. We made a little bit of progress:

We finished probably what will be the easiest part of the puzzle. This is what it's supposed to look like once it's finished:

That whole "vanishing act" thing scares me. Just kidding. But it'll be fun, that's for sure! Okay, I'm out. It's Saturday, so I get to work on my eBay listings. Oh, crap - is it after 10pm already?

Dana Point Pedestrian Bridge Dedication

The last week or so, Jeremy and his boss have been working on installing cameras on the new pedestrian bridge in Dana Point. They've put up quite a few, and have run wiring and conduits over the span of the bridge. I know they worked hard, so I decided to show up to the dedication of the bridge to show my support. It had a great turnout! Here's a picture of the crowd:

Oh wow - I didn't even notice when I took the picture, but the gentleman in the purple shirt and khakis is actually the architect for the bridge! I wish I remembered his name... but it escapes me. I really wanted to get a picture of him with the bridge, but as you can imagine, he was pretty busy.

The Dana Point City Council was there, and the mayor gave the dedication speech. I couldn't get a picture of her, or of the ribbon cutting - I never believe Jeremy when he says this - but I think I am too short! Anyway - here's the plaque commemorating the bridge and City Council:

And the bridge itself - looks AWESOME! I have to go back and get up close pictures of the murals on each side, because with the traffic and crowd, I really couldn't see anything. But, here it is - in all it's glory:

It sure is beautiful. Stay tuned for those pictures of the murals. I'll probably go back out tonight and get them.

WTH? I'm used to no whales - but no DOLPHINS?

Jeremy and I went whale watching this afternoon. We've only had luck seeing a whale one time (the first time we went) and even then, we only saw a little of him. But usually, there are a crazy number of dolphins. And the last time that I went with my mom-in-law - holy smokes! I swear to you, there were hundreds upon hundreds of dolphins - everywhere - as far as the eye could see. It was amazing.

But today, on MY BIRTHDAY, nothing. Not a single dolphin. We weren't really expecting to see a whale, as it is blue whale season and they don't have a migratory pattern like the grey whales do. But at least some dolphins? Nope. Nada. Zilch. We saw a ton of pelicans, though:

And, of course, the obligatory sea lions:

But no whales. And no dolphins. We had fun anyway:

I hope everyone has a great night!

Puzzles, Red Pin Bowling and FINALLY - the scale moved!

I'll start at the end and go backwards. When I had surgery, I had a mini goal of being under 200 lbs by my birthday. Well, my birthday is tomorrow (the 19th) and I did not make that goal. However, I'm getting closer - the scale has been friendly to me the past couple of days, and I am down to 215.5 - that's from 251 on surgery day, and 291 from the beginning. So while I did not make my mini goal, I am grateful for what I have accomplished. I mean seriously, 35.5 lbs lost in a little less than 3 months! When have I ever done that before! And even better - 75.5 lbs lost since I started my WLS journey. How can I be anything but grateful? And of course, the support I have had over the last year has been amazing - my family and friends, to them I cannot thank enough. Especially my husband, Jeremy. My love, my everything. He has loved me through everything - not just my battle with weight, but with so many other things.

I think part of the reason the scale has moved, is because I've started "exercising" a couple of times a week. Granted, I do not get out and exercise AT ALL. I try to be more active each day, but having had pain issues the first couple of months, it's been hard. I'm slowly overcoming that. Anyway, I mentioned before that I am on a bowling league. It is so much fun! J and I bowl with a couple of girls from his work (hi Bobbi! hi Sea! and I cannot leave out Windy! hi Windy!). It's a couple of hours worth of exercise on Thursday nights - and it's fun, so it's not like REAL exercise. Then, the last couple of weeks J and I have been going bowling on Monday nights. It's Red Pin Bowling, and it's $10 an hour for the lane. We usually get in 3 games per person during that hour - so let's break it up. 6 games at $10 = about $1.67 a game. Yeah - good deal! Anyway, they have different things they do - the main thing, is if you get a red pin as the head pin and get a strike, you win a free game. They have other things too. It's just great fun!

Finally - today. Jeremy came home, and we figured we were going to go bowling, so he needed to take a nap and rest. So, I went into the living room, played around with a couple of boxes, then settled at the dining room table and started a puzzle. Now, I love puzzles. I hate that I haven't done more of them. But, I have one now, and I have finally got it started. I finished the border, check it out:

I'll have to post the picture of the puzzle when it's supposed to be finished - it's a tough one for only being 500 pieces! Anyway, I'll take more pictures as the puzzle progresses.

Well, I'm tired. And tomorrow's my birthday! J is taking me whale watching tomorrow night, so watch for pictures in the next couple of days. Usually, we only see dolphins - so here's hoping we see a whale! It's blue whale season, though - and they do not have a migratory pattern like the gray whales do. We'll see how we do.

Later!

A beautiful day in Dana Point...

So today was my first Tide Pool docent shift in Dana Point. I have got to say, that it was probably one of the most soul lifting things I have done in a while. I talked with a few people, but didn't have my official vest until after my shift was almost done, so I didn't approach many. There was a class there from Orange Coast College, and I looked like I could have been one of them. But, now I have a vest - check it out:

It has the Dana Point city logo, and you can't really see it, but underneath it says "Tide Pool Docent". I am completely and utterly stoked. My next shift is on 5/31 from 9a-1p so if you are in the area, please feel free to stop by and say hello! We spend half of our shift actually down in the intertidal area and then the other half by a table we set up. There are usually 4 of us, so we split up in groups of 2.

So, it was a beautiful and peaceful day. A great way to lead up to the beginning of my week - which includes a trip to the DMV to renew my license. I have to take a written and vision test. So not looking forward to both! I studied some today, so I think the written part will be a breeze. But the vision - I don't know. I mean, my eyes are fine - I can see well enough to drive, but my right eye is not fully developed so I have a blind spot. That whole "cover your eye and read the chart" thing is just a huge pain when I'm talking to someone other than my optometrist (who I've had for the last 4 years). They don't get that I can see great with both eyes - they just don't get it.

Well, it's time for sleep. Being out in the sun today kind of made me tired. I'll talk to you all soon!

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to bed I go...

I have seriously been feeling soooo tired lately. Since I started taking the Lamictal I have been getting great sleep, and so have been getting up earlier in the morning - like 8:30 or 9. Well, the past week or so I've just been wanting to sleep in - and we're talking major sleeping in, until like 1 or 2. I haven't been staying up any longer than usual, and over the past week or so I've really stepped up my protein, so I don't think it's that. In fact, I really have no idea what's going on. I have my 3-month follow up with my surgeon on the 26th, and I actually just had my blood drawn today for that appointment (8 hour fast). Kaiser is great, because they send you notifications when your tests are done and you can look them up online. My CBC came back, and all of the items are within normal range. I don't think the vitamins show up on the results, though.

This weekend is trying to be a busy one for me. Tomorrow I have an OH (obesityhelp.com) support group in Huntington Beach. I've missed the first two, and I'm cursing myself because I really should be going to them. So, tomorrow - I will go! And Jeremy doesn't know it yet, but I'm going to ask him to come with me. We'll see how that goes over. In fact, he may read this before I actually ask him, so J - will you go with me??

Then tomorrow afternoon someone from OH is playing with his band at the Swallows Inn in San Juan Capistrano. I think that it would be a great time! It's right now the road from us. Have I mentioned how much I love living in Orange County?

I'm super excited about Sunday - I have my first Dana Point Tide Pool docent shift! So, if you're in the area, come on down! We're right behind the Ocean Institute in Dana Point on Dana Point Harbor Drive. Low tide is around noon-ish, but the docents will be there from 10am-2pm. We have some great hand-outs that show what critters you can find in the tide pools, and there are caves to explore too! I didn't get a chance to go out to the caves during training, because it was right after my surgery and I couldn't walk that far, so you can bet on Sunday I'll be walking out there. I'll also be taking my camera to take pictures of all the great animals. I just have to decide if I'm going to take my film or digital camera. I'm thinking digital until I see what kind of pictures the Canon take. I have to pick up the first couple of rolls next week.

I weighed myself today. I will admit, I'm somewhat of a "scale ho" - I'm always stepping on the scale. I've officially lost 35 pounds since surgery, and 75 pounds since my gallbladder surgery in July. I'm such a sloooow loser with my RNY, it's hard to not get discouraged. But, like I've said - I'm working on that. I haven't measured lately so I am probably losing inches. I have noticed that I can do things I haven't been able to do for a long time. Crossing my legs was the first, but now I can sit indian style on my office chair. No big belly in the way! But the down side is that my favorite jeans no longer fit me - along with most of my other pants! I can handle wearing the bigger shirts and blouses, but the pants - OMGosh - it's awful. Well, my mom said that I could buy a special outfit for some special outing. I'm thinking that will come up soon. But at the same time, I hate buying something new when the hope is that I will not fit it in for very long. We'll see. Maybe I will find a thrift store when I get my Social Security check next week.

Okay, I think I'm going to go check on the man and see if he needs some help in the office. I guess I should pay attention to Paco, too. Poor bird. Although, he just got his wings clipped, so I could probably get him on his perch on the patio. I'm looking forward to the fall semester - we're eventually going to get a patio table and chairs, and I can really see myself sitting outside on the patio with Paco hanging out on his perch while I do homework. Yeah, I need to work to make that happen, because it sounds wonderful.

I go now.

WTH??

So, over the last week or so, I've completely ramped up my protein intake, since I found some great RTD protein shakes at Costco. Just in shakes alone, I'm taking in 40g of protein, plus I usually eat at least one to two protein rich meals per day. So, I step on the scale this morning, and it hasn't moved. I know that I'm getting in all my fluids and vitamins (well, except calcium, still working on that). The only thing I can think of is that I'm eating too many carbs. I have to do a search on OH.com to see if I can find how to split the difference.

Eggface just posted a great blog today on how to make some French Onion Bites (her crustless quiches...) check it out here. She says they are a great item if you love french onion soup; which I do! Have to make a run to the store soon.

I still haven't conquered her blueberry muffins. I keep going to the store, getting all the ingredients - then not doing it. I actually haven't been cooking hardly at all lately. I think a lot of it has to do with my mood - it's not quite stable yet with the new medication. It's working out great so far - although the past couple of nights, I've had some baaad nightmares again. I'm not willing to chalk it up to the medication quite yet; although I haven't been exposed to anything scary recently (I'm sensitive to scary movies and stuff - instant nightmares). But I've only been on the new medication for a few weeks so I'm going to give myself some more time to adjust before I decide that it's not a good medication for me. If it's not, I'm really not looking forward to going through the medication revamp period again. It's not only tough on me, but I imagine it's tough on J as well - my mood swings can catch him off balance sometimes.

Now you know that I've got to blog about the biz! Things are moving along much more slowly. I decided to only start auctions once a week instead of every other day, for two reasons. First, it's cheaper that way! My eBay invoice for last month was over $200. Yeah, can't really afford that. I'm just not doing the sales yet to warrant that kind of expense. And second, I'm starting school again next month. While summer I'm only taking one class, and it's online; come Fall Semester I'm heading into school full time. The Fall Schedule is out, so I was able to pick out my classes and figure out my schedule - and I'm just not going to have time during the week to work on eBay, other than fooling around a little. So, I'll keep my store open and take care of any sales that happen that way as they come, and set my auctions to finish on Saturdays. That way, I have the time to commit to my studies (which is kind of scaring me right now...). I'm not nervous about my summer class; it's Medical Terminology. I went to Medical Assisting school (it was 14 weeks, M-F, 8-5) and I did really well with the class work, so I know that the Terminology will be easier for me. Not easy, just easier. In Fall, however - all my classes are on campus. I've got English 100, Math 20 (I suck at Math) Photo 103, and Poly Sci 100. I'll be in school Monday thru Thursday. We'll see how that goes!

Anyway, I should roll. I have to check the mail and make another iced tea. I hope you all are having a great week!

The Greatest Experience I've Had....

Was being at Kennedy Space Center in Florida, at night, to watch Endeavour launch. The launch was supposed to happen on our last night in Florida (we spent a week there hanging out at the Disney parks). But, as it almost always happens, the launch was delayed; I believe because of bad weather at the abort site in Spain. So, we extended our trip a day or so and went back to KSC the next night. Jeremy had some connections with his local congressman, so he was able to hook us up with seats in the VIP section; right next to the astronauts' families! It was still about 3-5 miles away from the launch pad, but closer than if we were on the causeway.

Jeremy had his camera (film at the time) and so he gave me the responsibility of taking video. It was so exciting! J even called our friend Alex right before the launch, then put the phone down on the bleachers while the shuttle took off so Alex could hear the launch. Amazing. Since it was night, it was hard to really see the shuttle on the pad. But the water spray started.... the engines ignited (and according to Jeremy, insert Paula's crazy reaction here)... the sound- oh my gosh, the sound of the engines - nothing else quite like it. Finally, the countdown clock reached zero, and the shuttle catapulted itself into the sky. I can't really describe what I was feeling. Awe? Definitely. Emotional? How could you not? Patriotic? Absolutely. But there are so many other emotions it's hard to really tell you what it was like without actually witnessing it. A couple of seconds after Endeavour lifted off the pad, the fire trail lit up the night; and it was like the middle of the day. You could see everything. We watched the shuttle until we could see it no more. I think once we got back to our car, we were both pretty silent. To absorb what we had just seen took time.

So, right now, Atlantis is getting ready to launch for a repair mission to the Hubble Telescope. It's supposed to be the last mission to the Hubble. The shuttle is supposed to launch at 2:01 EST, or 11:01 PST. I have NASA TV running on my computer right now. They just now are releasing their T-9 minutes scheduled hold, and will start the last 9 minutes of the countdown

I've gotta go watch this!

I should change the title...

To "Ramblings of a Bipolar 1 Patient", because that's about all I have to talk about today. I was supposed to leave tomorrow morning to go on a camping trip to Yosemite for 6 days with some WLS surgery friends. Well, with me being the "worse case scenario" thinker, and having a whole bunch of "what if's" running through my head - I pretty much gave myself an incredible amount of anxiety to the point where I don't think it would be safe for me to be so far away.

I didn't just come to this realization; it took quite a few days for me to figure out what I was feeling and why. All I knew, was that I was feeling "unstable". That's the term I use when I really don't know what I am feeling. It's kind of a catch-all word for me. Anyway, I cancelled the trip, and while there is some ease of anxiety from knowing that I am not going, there is still some residual feelings. I have started going to group counseling, I finally found a Kaiser group in Aliso Viejo (that's where my PCP and Psychiatrist are) and they have sessions every Tuesday and Friday. Plus, I see my personal therapist every 2 weeks. So, I'm slowly getting back into treatment, where in Corona I saw my psychiatrist maybe once every three months. I have found the services in Orange County to be much, much more accessible than in Riverside County. Even Urgent Care is run better. Maybe it's the population difference between the two areas; I don't know. It's just better.

So anyway - onto a different topic for now. Jeremy has been bowling on a league for Dana Point for a few months. Well, now I get to bowl too, as one of their team members has a bun in the oven. So this past Thursday was my first time in about 27 years bowling on a league. Although I did pretty much about as well as I expected, I think I am starting to feel more comfortable. Jeremy bought me a bowling ball (it's bright pink!) and bag (it's black with - guess what - pink!). I had bought shoes last year (they are pink too!). So, yesterday I had a crappy day, because I had decided that I wasn't going to Yosemite - and I thought that throwing a bowling ball around would get rid of some of the stress. So J and I went bowling. We were about halfway through our 3 games when they turned off the lights. It was hard! I couldn't see my mark or anything. I ended up doing okay - in fact the last game was my best, but I can honestly say that I do not like Cosmic Bowling. And now today, both Jeremy and I are extremely sore. We barely made it through all 3 games last night. But, it was fun - I definitely needed it. And we'll see how it helps on Thursday.

Well, I'm pretty tired, so I'm gonna finish up what I can on the computer and try to get some sleep. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It's a little tough on me, because although I'm technically a mother, in practice I am not. People who know, I think, do not know how to approach the situation. So I don't bring it up. I hate making people uncomfortable. But, I hope all you mothers out there have a great day and that the people around you spoil you! And to my mom, who lives sooooo far away, I love you!! And I hope you have a great day. I'll probably end up talking to you before you read this.

Good night everyone!

What a couple of weeks... and "Balls of Fury!"

So this past weekend Jeremy and I went to Las Vegas for his bowling sweeps. He bowls on a city team every Thursday. I've been going to watch, but this summer one of the team members is expecting a baby, so I am going to take her place! So, starting this Thursday I will be an official member of the team, "Balls of Fury"! I'm very excited.

But there's a catch in all this. Jeremy and I do what we can to spend quality time together, but we both also recognize that we need our separate "alone" time. For me, it's easy. I'm home all day long by myself (I've become friends with our mailman due to craving conversation). So I can get what I need done, and when he comes I'm ready to be social. For him, it is quite different. He spends all day talking to people and actively thinking and he pretty much gets worn out, so when he comes home, he just wants to take a few minutes to process. Of course, I haven't seen him all day, so what do I want to do? Talk to him! Tell him EVERYTHING that happened to me that day and everything that's going on in my head. It's hard for him to tell me that he just needs a few minutes to wind down - and it's hard for me to catch myself. So we're working on that. But the bowling has been his "thing" and now I'm doing it too. So, we just have to make sure that we take the time to do separate things. Again, easy enough for me - a little more difficult for him.

A couple of good things happened while in Las Vegas. One, I did not touch a slot machine. Not one! Jeremy got $25 free for signing up for their Club (we stayed at South Point) but I stayed in the room and worked on eBay stuff while he played. I am very proud of myself! Granted, I have NO money (until I get my next Social Security check in a couple of weeks) but all the same. Secondly, somehow - I think it was all the seafood I ate over the extended weekend - I lost 4 lbs in 4 days. I'll take it! And it's been going down again from there since I got home. Again, I think that what I had been eating has had a lot of protein. And two "wow" moments for me, one in Vegas - and one last night at Costco. The night before we left Vegas, Jeremy let me buy a shirt in the gift shop that I had been eyeing all weekend long. I got an XL - right off the rack - and it fits beautifully! I'm a little afraid to wash it, though - I don't want it to shrink! Then last night at Costco, I was browsing the clothes (I get my PJ's there - usually cotton, they are so comfortable!). Anyway, I wanted the PJ set, but couldn't find it in an XL - so I said "what the heck" and got the Large, thinking I would shrink into it. Well, we got home - and I was curious so I put it on - - - and it FIT! And it's LOOSE. And it's a LARGE! That's from a *cough* 3X that I was in before my gallbladder surgery in July of last year. I still can NOT believe I was that big. *blech* But I'm doing great now - I am very happy. I am officially half way to "goal" - I've lost a total of 72 lbs! And 38 of that has been since surgery on 2/23. I'm what they call a "slow loser" - mainly because I had a hard time in the beginning getting enough protein in due to pain issues. But I appear to be past that, and found a good RTD (ready to drink) protein drink at Costco that I will have 2x's a day.

And then, there's "the biz". Taking all the time in Vegas to work on auctions while Jeremy was playing with his $25 seemed to have worked - I did shorter auctions (5 days instead of 7) and I have gotten 4 sales this week so far - one a big order on a wholesale lot going to Canada. The rest are single items going anywhere from Agoura Hills, CA to North Carolina. I've actually have had quite a few people buying my things that are from Texas. I do not make much money on my eBay sales - I use the opportunity to get a catalog into their hands, and hopefully word of mouth to their friends. Then I use what profits I do make to buy more catalogs. I need 1000 of the catalogs for a bulk mailing, but it's expensive to get that many at once, so I order some everytime I get a sale on eBay. I have also been using Vista Print for some items like postcards, and return address labels and such. A friend who has her own theraputic massage business in Wisconsin told me about this great thing she was doing with Vista Print's free business cards - she made a gift coupon out of them! So of course, I had to follow her lead; and they came out great!

So here's my plug - if you or anyone you know would like my catalog, just shoot me an email at micheles_treasures@earthlink.net or leave me a comment here and I'll get your address. Or, if you like, you can check out my eBay store at: http://stores.shop.ebay.com/micheles-treasures-and-gifts.

I don't know when I'll get to post again - I am leaving for Yosemite on Sunday for 6 days. I'm going to be taking a ton of pictures, so you will definitely see them when I get back and download or develop them (I shoot with both a digital and film camera). Until then, everyone have a great week/weekend and don't forget about MOTHER'S DAY!! CALL YOUR MOTHER!!

Feeling really good today!

So, with my new medication, Lamictal, I've been pretty much crashing at night right after I take it. So I've been sleeping really well, a very deep sleep. Before I started taking it, I would be up til all hours of the night and sleep in until 12:30 or 1pm the next day to make up for it. Psychiatrist said that is part of me being manic. Anyway, I've been getting to sleep kind of late still, but usually before midnight and I've been getting up earlier in the morning because I'm actually rested. I know it's still late for most of you who work, but it's early for me. And I feel good when I get up. And, I have more hours in the day, so I'm more productive.

I wish I could be productive today, but my car has a flat tire *sigh* I just got four brand new tires put on her the beginning of February! It was part of the overhaul that we did on her after getting the insurance check from me totalling the Explorer. OMgosh, talk about guilt - I still have it about that accident. My mom and stepdad were so incredibly selfless to give J and I the Explorer - seriously, they *gave* it to us, didn't sell it to us - we had it almost a year when I totalled it. Which I really think is fishy to begin with , because after the accident (I rear-ended someone on the freeway because I was looking down to grab my bottle of water - it was when we were moving) the truck was completely drivable - there were no leaks from the engine or transmission or radiator or anything. The bumper was pushed down and the whole front of the truck was cracked - but drivable! *sigh* Well, we got more than expected for it, so we got my car (the Rav 4) fixed and put the rest away for a down payment on a car for Jeremy later this year. Being this close to his work, one car is okay for us right now.

Oh! Yesterday eBay had a listing sale; normally it costs anywhere from $0.35-$1.00 to post a listing (depending how much you are selling the item for) but it was only $0.15 per listing yesterday! I think I ended up doing 150 listings. Took ALL DAY. But worth it, I hope. I'll find out on Tuesday - they are 7 day auctions. Check me out on eBay and bid on an item you like!

Michele's Treasures on eBay

Don't forget to tell your friends about me too! I also have mail order catalogs, if you want one, email your address to me at micheles_treasures@earthlink.net.

For now, I go. I am going camping next month in Yosemite with a friend, and I need to create a packing list of clothes, toiletries, etc... I'm really looking forward to that!

Sorry I've been MIA...

I've had a rough couple of weeks. As most of you know, I am currently on Social Security for my Bipolar Disorder. Well, I had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist last week on Thursday here in Orange County. It was really rough. It took about 1.5 hours. We talked about my past, which included my hospitalizations early on and the management of my disorder over the years. He was astonished that I was only on two particular medications. Apparently, I have the more severe type of Bipolar, which is Bipolar I - as opposed to Bipolar II, which is marked with more depressive episodes than manic. So we decided together to pursue a more aggressive form of treatment, and he put me on Lamictal; a stronger medicine to control extreme mood swings. I think the objective is to get me solely on the Lamictal and off the Seroquel, because of the side effects of Seroquel. Not to say that Lamictal does not have its own side effects; one of them being a deadly rash. Yeah. Okay. But, if it manages my illness better, then I'll take it.

Weight loss wise, I've been at a standstill the last couple of weeks, and I know exactly why. I am not getting enough protein/calories/fluids in. I'm trying so hard to work this tool I have been given, but it sure is tough! Tomorrow is another day, at least that is what I keep telling myself.

Having the last couple of weeks being so rough, I haven't been cooking much. So no new recipes to review or point you too. I hope that as my medications stabilize, I will stabilize and be more productive.

For now, I've spent some time on eBay listing different things from my catalogs, and Jeremy has been helping me to put labels on them to get them ready for mailing. Okay, not helping - he's pretty much the label king! He can get them on straight, and me, well I don't even try anymore! But I did get my merchant account set up so I can take Visa, Mastercard and American Express as well as PayPal. So, if you want a catalog, send me a message with your address to micheles_treasures@earthlink.net and I'll get our Spring Catalog right out to you. You can also check me out on eBay: http://members.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewUserPage&userid=micheles_treasures. I look forward to hearing from you!

Later, everyone.

Feeling better!

And most of it is due to the care of my loving husband, Jeremy; who took the weekend to make sure I was full of protein, liquids and pain medicine. Ah, what a man.

Not much to write about tonight, but tomorrow look for a glorious review of eggface's Blueberry Protein Muffins. The electric oven shall not win!

In the mean time, a book recommendation: "Alex and Me" by Irene Pepperberg. A great read on the scientific study of the linguistic capability of an African Grey Parrot, "Alex" and the bond that ensues.

So yeah, short post tonight. But look for more tomorrow!

Does it get better?

It seems as though my funk is continuing through the weekend.  Right now it's about 12:20 am, and while I should be asleep next to my wonderful husband, I am awake and browsing the internet.  I don't really have anything on my mind, per se... I'm pretty much a blank slate.  I am disheartened that I am having such a hard time getting my protein in.  I'm trying to do it with just food, because my stomach had been adversely affected by fluids lately, and I'm not getting anywhere near my goal.  I need the protein drinks.  I am going to try and start them again tomorrow.  And my vitamins.  I think part of my emotional funk is the fact that physically, I am just exhausted.  And I know the reason is because I am working on hardly any nutrients.  When I had the surgery, even before, I made a pact with myself and with Jeremy that "I would follow the doctors protocol to a "T" because I did not want to get sick".  It's proving to be harder than I ever imagined.  And it's not the restriction of food - fact is, I really don't feel hungry most the time, so hours and hours pass without me eating or drinking anything.  Now, I'm home during the day, so it should be easy to set my pill pager (when it beeps, I take pills - well, I'm supposed to) and make the effort to just eat.  But it's not as easy as it sounds.

But, tomorrow is another day - so it is another chance to start over.  At almost 6 weeks out I am down almost 30 pounds.  That's about 5 pounds a week, and I am NOT complaining.  It feels really good.  I just want to make sure I stay healthy, because in the end that's the reason why I had the surgery to begin with.

And, I think my psych meds need to be adjusted.  I've been off kilter lately.  I don't know if I'm not absorbing as much of it, so I need to get a higher dose, or what.  Being a bipolar gastric bypass patient definitely has its challenges, that's for certain.  I just had a very bad start when I found out I was bipolar; three hospital stays in a little less than 3 months for about a week each time.  I don't want to go back to that.  I've been stable for a little over three years now, with only minor snafus here or there when my medication needed to be changed.

Well, I should try and get some rest.  And get some of my pills down.  Wish me luck.  Talk to everyone soon, and I promise - these posts will get better as I do!  I still have lots of delish recipes to try out from eggface's blog:  TheWorldAccordingtoEggface.  But for now, g'nite.

Not feeling it lately...

So the last few days I've been in a funk. Not wanting to do much, really. Especially not write about being in a funk. Part of what is going on is it's that lovely time of the month. Oh yes. This bothers me some - before Labor Day last year I had not had a period in a little over 3 years due to some medication I was on for my bipolar. Well, May of last year my psych doctor changed up my meds and took me off the 2 major ones that 1. contributed to my weight gain; and 2. contributed to my elevated blood sugars, causing me to develop Type 2 diabetes. The good news, is that I started to loose a little weight, not really noticable, but some. I didn't start my downcycle of losing more weight until July when I had my gallbladder surgery. But I digress.

I am in pain. Cramping from it being, well that time; and my stomach still is sore from surgery. I have little to no energy - and all I want to do is lie in bed and sleep/watch tv/doze. I force myself to get up and get dressed everyday, because - well it's just not good to lay around in your PJ's for a week! And I feel better once I am up and moving around. And after I've taken my Tylenol. There have been a few things that I needed to take care of this week, and so far I've accomplished all of them. Today I am going to the Ocean Institute in Dana Point to finish up my Orientation to volunteer at the tide pools. I'm looking forward to that, but at the same time... ugh... I have to drive *all the way down to Dana Point* (which is like, 15 minutes). J and I got spoiled pretty easily with being so close to Dana Point, that he mentioned the other day that it takes him *forever* to get to work - 15-20 minutes when he drives. ?!? But you know, today I am seeing his point.

But, we did some pretty cool stuff this past weekend. Saturday we went down to San Diego to the Birch Aquarium at Scripps. It was a really neat little aquarium. I wasn't feeling well towards the end of the visit, so I sat on a bench and played with my phone while J finished up in the tropical fish exhibits. But here are a couple of pictures that J took:

We love the sea horses and leafy sea dragons. It's very calming to go to an aquarium. Especially when you sit and watch the jelly fish. They are mesmerizing.

Well, I think I'm done for today. I need to get some lunch, although my stomach is not happy right now, I do not have any idea what will sit right - I guess I get to figure it out? Anyway, have a good day, everyone!

A couple of long days...

Well, I had my one month post op with Dr. Suh this week. Everything went well... he upped my Prilosec to twice a day to combat the senstive tummy issue with liquids. I've been eating much better, though. J and I went to Costco and got a ton of protein filled yummy stuff for me. Chicken meatballs, Turkey Burgers w/Swiss and Carmelized Onions, Shrimp Wonton Soup, and then just some regular shrimp. I think I'm in heaven!!

I've been keeping busy with general household office type work; like managing bills, changing auto insurance information, and applying to the Department of Rehabilition through Social Security. I'm hoping they can send me to school for Radiology. I was looking into that after Medical Assisting school. I never got my certificate from FCC, because although I finished the classroom portion (with a 95% on my final, no less!) I didn't finish the externship because I got "sick" (started having major panic attacks). So that sucks. But, the DOR is mailing me the application packet, so we will see how that goes.

I finished my Tide Pool Docent training for Dana Point! I just have to attend an Orientation for the Ocean Institute to be official. I'm very excited. I love the beach, and to spend time there educating others really appeals to me. We will have to see how that goes in coordination with my training with the DOR.

Oh! I got my hair done. Check this:

I meant for it to be more blonde, but love the way it turned out. So far I've gotten good reviews. I loved the blue streaks, I really did, and may do it again - but I'm starting to volunteer and do training, and thought I needed to look, well - not so "punk" (hee hee)

Well, that's all for me right now. Paco is getting pretty out of hand. He screams a lot sometimes. Can't figure it out. Parrots scream, that's life, I guess. Oh, here's a pic of my two guys:

Paco got bold one night while playing on his cage and decided to fly (ha - more like fall; his wings are clipped) to the living room and hang out with us. He can be sweet sometimes. I can't wait until we get our dog (eventually, at some point, we are going to get a pug or two) and see how Paco relates to having someone bigger than him in the house. I know, we're humans and we are bigger than him, but try telling that to Paco!

So, talk to you later! No quote today, I'm quite worn out.

Shark Lagoon at night...

Tonight Jeremy and I went to the Aquarium of the Pacific's Shark Lagoon Nights. It's free (well, except for the $7.00 we had to pay for parking) and is happening on Friday nights. We had a nice time walking around, looking at the little sharks, and then looking at the really big sharks. They had some rays as well; this little guy came up to say hello:

Isn't he cute? Some of the rays in the touch tank had curly tails. It was really neat. So, we walked, and we talked... oh and we got distracted by the lorikeets in the aviary that we were not allowed into:

They were so loud, we had to stop and see what all the commotion was about. They are cute little tricksters. There's a picture of me and Jeremy from 2001-ish floating around somewhere of us at the San Diego Wild Animal Park with the lories. It's actually a very nice picture, but Jeremy says it looks like he's a cradle-robber because I look about 15 in the picture. I'll have to see if I can dig it up. Speaking of pictures of me where I look 15, how's this?

Yeah, I'm a freakin kid. You'd never guess I'm going to be 34 this year.

Well, tomorrow Jeremy and I both have a busy day ahead of us. I am going to be spending part of the afternoon in field training to because a docent for the Dana Point Tidepools through the Ocean Institute. It's a great gig, all volunteer, of course - but I cannot think of a better way to spend some time on the weekends than at low tide in the tidepools. Can we say amazing? I'm a nature lover - always have been. I've always been a little afraid of the ocean (thank you, Jaws...) but since I've moved to California and especially since we moved to south OC, it's become someplace I crave to go. So after this weekend, be sure to come on down to the tidepools and say hello! I'd love to see any of you!

So after field training, Jeremy and I are going to go on a whale watching trip out of Dana Point. We've done it before, had a little bit of luck with whales, but oh my gosh - the dolphins were amazing on the way back in. They really do "surf" the boat's wake. It was great. Hard to get pictures of, though. Maybe with Jeremy's camera we'll have better luck.

After that, I'm not sure what we have planned. But on Sunday we are either going to Camarillo again, or maybe to Long Beach to El Dorado Park to do some hiking. I love my weekends with Jeremy. It makes up for the time that we sometimes do not have with each other during the week.

Well, I'm tired - and I still have some work to do getting ready for April 15th. Ever since I made the decision to go forward with my plans, the days are flying by and it seems like I am not getting enough done! *sigh* I need an assistant that I can't afford to pay. Oh wait, I have my husband!

So, goodnight dear readers, and always remember:

"Fortify yourself with contentment, for this is an impregnable fortress" -- Epictetus

My husband showed me this...

Pay attention to the sign to the right of the white arrow. Yeah.

I love my husband.

A bowling we will go...

Right now I am at Saddleback Lanes with my hubby watching his team bowl.  Well, okay, I am a little preoccupied with my blog, but *shhhh* don't tell anyone!

Today has been pretty productive for me.  As I mentioned in a previous blog, I am working on setting up my own business at home.  It is going to be a combination mail-order and online sales type of business.  I went today and picked up my "Home Occupant Use Certificate" from the city's Planning Department.  It's essentially a business license.  I have already mailed in my applications for my Fictitious Business Name and Resale Certificate, and have in hand my Federal Tax ID number.  

What I've been doing is entering different products that I sell into an offline inventory program that makes it a breeze to upload to eBay.  It also calculates all of your listing fees before you actually list the item, so you can tell how much you can afford to actually list.  It is a hit and miss project with eBay.  I had some success a few years ago, and have just let it fall by the wayside until now.  The best part is that the warehouse that I purchase from is located in Fontana - which is maybe an hour away.  So, I can either have things shipped to my apartment, or do will-call and go and pick it up.  Also, I can either have the warehouse company "drop ship" to my customers, or I can pick up the items and ship them myself.  That is how I prefer to do it, so I can put in some promotional materials and free gifts.  Okay, I lie - I do not do any of the shipping, that is something that my husband loves to do, so I let him.

Oh!  Yesterday I successfully made Shelly's Pizza Bites - and oh my gosh, it was like a pizza explosion in my mouth.  I highly recommend them!  Tonight, I am going to try and conquer those blueberry muffins again.  

I have still been having issues with liquids hurting my stomach, but I've been finding ways around it to get some fluids in.  Protein, however is another story - so unfortunately the scale has not moved down in the last week.  I have my one month post op appointment on Tuesday, so I will talk to the doctor about that.  I've been having problems with pain management, so I have been taking liquid Lortab; at night mainly, but there has been some times when I have taken it during the day.  

Onto some good news:  the carpet drying company came out and got all of their equipment, and the construction company came in and fixed our walls in the dining room (I haven't checked the office).  Now, we just need to have the walls painted and we should be almost back to normal!  Something that came out of this whole mess is that we had to move the saltwater fish tank we have.  No, there are no fish in it, as of yet... but I like where it ended up.  We just need to have a stand built to accommodate the "guts" of the tank (such as the pump, and filter lines, etc) and have it actually fit where I want it to go.  Luckily, I know someone who works in construction.

Well, I'll let you go for now; I have some work I need to get done and stuff.  But, I leave you with this:

"They can because they think they can" -- Virgil

The destruction continues...

Right now I'm listening to Sarah McLachlan, pondering the world that is my dining room. The slab leak done being repaired on Saturday, and the carpet/wall drying people came and gave us an industrial size fan and dehumidifier. And yet, they still felt the need to come today and take out even more of our wall. Here's what I mean:

This is right after they fixed the leak:

Apparently they felt the need to further destroy our dining room, because the carpet drying team did this today:

We actually lucked out some (um, sure) because they wanted to "tent" the entire dining room area like they do when they are working with asbestos so the carpet and walls would dry quicker. They decided against it.

Okay - let's NOT talk about the apartment crumbling apart around us. I have decided to get back into eBay selling and worked most of the day today filling our forms for Fictitious Business Names, Home Occupation Certificate for the city, Federal Tax ID number, Seller's permit through the State... oy vey. I've sold on eBay before but it more of a hobby than anything else, and now I am looking to try and make something of an income for it. I have a membership at a wholesale type house where I can purchase retail products at wholesale prices and then sell them. I figure it is going to take at least a month to get set up with all my licenses and such, so I am looking at an April 15th launch date. I hope I get everything I need to get done by then!

Okay, now here's why you come to this place to begin with: my weight loss journey. I haven't weighed myself today, but I haven't lost any weight since Wednesday. I am having a hard time keeping any fluid down (grouchy pouchy) so I have been trying to get most of my protein from food. Not working well. But, I will keep chugging through this. For those of you that have had the surgery, has this happened to you? I'm three weeks out. I'm not getting sick or vomiting or anything when I try to take in liquids, it just hurts like hell. I have some liquid Lortab and that sort of takes the edge off of the liquid going down, but really, not much. So, since I can't handle the liquids, I am not able to take my vitamins. I am lucky that I can get my psych meds down at night, otherwise I'd be a total mess. Oh well. I have an appointment with Dr. Suh on the 24th. Hopefully things will have resolved themselves by then. If not, well, he's a doctor - so I'm in a good place.

Other than that, I am so ready to get off the soft food stage. You can only have so many eggs, tuna, yogurt, jello and soup. I can eat fine, it doesn't hurt the pouch. Just liquids. And all liquids, from plain water to foo foo protein drink; from hot to cold... it just is not happy. Okay I am done complaining, really I am. That's not why you are here. In fact, may I ask, why ARE you here? I know I corrupted some famiy members into reading my blog, because, well I want SOMEONE to read it. But if you're not my family, what would you like to see here? I am still researching Restless Leg Syndrome and it's relation to Gastric Bypass Surgery. There's not as much information out there when it come to combining the two. Although, since I got home from the hospital I have been sleeping much better. Probably from the pain medicine. But I'm not ready to pass judgement yet. Stay tuned for that. And eventually I am going to try Shelly's Pizza Bites but with most of the dining room being crowded into the kitchen, I have to room to spread out and cook. Hopefully later this week.

Well, I'm out of here for tonight. The husband should be home relatively soon, and it's movie night again. I love Netflix! Although we just finished our last two: Lord of War and Snakes on a Plane. Two totally different movies! I guess tonight we finish Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - we borrowed it from his parents.

For now, I leave you with this:

Aw, forget it. I'm tired today. =0)

Looking for a way to work from home

So, last year I applied for Social Security Disability because I am Bipolar and have been having problems keeping work.  I was lucky enough to be approved, and am getting payments monthly.  I am looking to supplement those payments - Social Security has a program where you can work and make a small amount of money without affecting your benefits.

Just when you think you have things under control...

Hey everyone!  Boy, have I had the most interesting, and long couple of days.  I mentioned in my last blog the pipe leaks that we had in the apartment.  Well, the plumbers were jackhammering until about 9:30 at night.  We were able to find some quiet at the leasing office until around 7 or so, but were pretty much stuck with it for the rest of the time they were there.  The carpet and wall drying company also came out that day (Friday) and set up a industrial type fan and dehumidifier.  It was a long night for us.  The next day, the plumbers came at about 10:30 am and had to start the jackhammering again because they didn't find the pipe the night before.  This was Saturday.  So, my hubby and I decided to pack a backpack with some water and snacks, and head to San Diego.  We figured we could hit one of three places:  the San Diego Wild Animal Park, SeaWorld, or Cabrillo National Monument.  After determining that it was too late to pay the amount of money to get into the Wild Animal Park or SeaWorld we drove to Cabrillo.  

It's actually very cheap to get into the park, only $5.00 per vehicle.  But two lines down the fee sign, we saw that a year pass was only $15.oo.  We said "Heck Yeah!" and went with the year pass.  We stuck around for a little while, got a few pictures (which I will post in the next couple of days) and just got oriented with the park.  We were there for maybe an hour.  We only stayed a little while because we had to make a run up to hubby's parents to grab some things, and they live up in the San Gabriel Valley.  We ran up there, then swing back home for something to eat - then we head out to see "Coraline" at the Irvine Spectrum.

The movie, was great.  What happened after the movie was not.  Walking back to the parking lot, something happened in my abdomen and all of a sudden I was in extreme pain.  We're talking doubled over, crying out loud, cannot walk pain.  I said to my husband "we need to go to the emergency room" and my wonderful husband got me there within 20 minutes.

After checking in, we waited in the lobby for a couple of hours.  Finally got into a bed where they hooked me up to an IV, took some blood and a urine sample.  A very strange person came in to give me a chest x-ray.  Then, they had me drink 1000 mL of water with some contrast dye in it so they could do a CT scan of my abdomen.  So, we arrived at the ER at 12:00 am-ish and nine and a half hours later, I get released.  They did every test known to.. well, me at least.  Everything came back perfect.  They told me that my pain was just me healing and possibly doing too much.  So, I definitely learned my lesson.  They sent me home with liquid Lortab, which is what I was released with after surgery.

The scary part about this whole thing for me is that I paged my surgeon - TWICE.  Once on Friday evening when I started not feeling well, and once while we were waiting in the ER lobby.  Had he returned my page, he would have more than likely called in a RX for pain medication and I would not have had to be at the ER for as long as I was, if at all.  I am very upset about this.  My husband says to give him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe he dropped his pager in the toilet, or someone else was on call and did not respond for him.  Either way, I was in some major pain and I depended upon my surgeon to take care of me, like he promised he would.  I have my one month post op appointment with him on the 24th, but you can bet that I am going to be calling the office tomorrow.

So, sorry that this post is just me venting; but I guess if anything one good thing can be learned from my experience.   TRUST YOUR BODY.  I was lucky that there was nothing wrong with me.   But if something does not feel right - CALL YOUR SURGEON.  If for some reason you cannot get in touch with your surgeon, or anyone else from their office, do not be afraid to go to Urgent Care or the Emergency Room.

That's my story, and I am sticking to it.  But let me leave you with this:

"A good word is an easy obligation; but not to speak ill requires only our silence; which costs us nothing" -- John Tillotson

What a night...

I wish I could say that in a good way. I stayed up past 2 a.m. - with this incredible restless feeling. The only thing that I can compare it to, is what doctors called "restless leg syndrome". I wonder if this is common after surgery? I got up early enough, actually earlier than I normally do, and was active most of the day - so you think that I would have gotten a good night's sleep. Watch for a post sometime next week on whether or not there is a correlation between restless leg syndrome and gastric bypass surgery.

Since I couldn't sleep last night, I tried a recipe from someone that is a crazy good blogger about weight loss surgery, plastic surgery after weight loss surgery, and weight loss surgery friendly recipes. Her moniker is "eggface" and you can check out all her recipes and follow her story at "The World According to Eggface" - I was lucky enough to get permission to post links to her recipes, so watch for those as I test them about.

Anyway, back to the recipe... it was Shelly's Blueberry Protein Muffins. The batter looked delicous as I prepared it, and the apartment smelled heavenly while they baked. Bad news: I didn't get to eat any of them. I misjudged the baking time in an electric oven (I've cooked with gas stoves forever) and they ended up burnt to a crisp *sigh* I have everything to make them again except for the blueberries, so maybe I will have my husband stop at the store on the way home for more. And this time, I will watch them like a hawk. I will not let my oven deprive me of good blueberry muffins!

Right now, I just pulled another one of Shelly's recipes out of the oven. Shelly's Italian Crab Bites. They look oh-so-good. And they smell *sniff* yummy!

Last night was also a bad night for us and our apartment. We moved in a couple of months ago, and within the last week we have been smelling this really... bad... smell. We checked the kitchen, refridgerator, trash can - and found nothing. An hour or so later, I went to get something from on top of our salt water fish tank (which is empty) and when I stepped on the carpet, it was soaked! We looked at the wall, and it was wet too. HUH? Moved a few things out of the wet zone and went to bed, figuring we would call maintenance in the morning. This afternoon (after I had put off calling the maint. guy) he actually showed up at my apartment, saying that the landscaping guy had seen hot water pouring out of the foundation by our apartment. So I let him in, told him about the carpet and wall - and he checks the bathroom. Worse case scenario. The pipe had burst under the slab in the apartment, and out on the patio by the water heater. Mega work. Plumber coming today (hopefully - it's almost 4:30 p.m. right now and ... okay nevermind. Mid-sentence and they show up!) and they will have the wall dryer and carpet replacement coming out next week. Luckily, we are in an apartment and do not have to pay for any of the work. Part of me desperately wants to move into a house, but I'm not sure we would be able to pay for emergencies like these.

So to recap - a couple of recipes for you to check out; a post will be coming sometime next week on whether or not gastric bypass surgery and restless leg syndrome are connected, and of course, I will keep you updated on what is going on in the world that is me.

For now, I leave you with this:

"Ask yourself this question: Will this matter a year from now?" -- Richard Carlson, writing in Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.

Research, research, research!

Before doing anything, from taking a road trip to having weight loss surgery, I cannot express the importance of doing research. Having an arsenal of information before you head into something unknown can be a godsend. For me, I found the internet to be invaluable. As my husband says, you can find anything on the internet these days.

One of the first things you can look for is an online support group. There are many out there, if you look. Sometimes you don't even have to look that hard, they just pop up! Just type in what you are looking for into your favorite search engine, and you will come up plenty of links. Most are free, you just have to register a username to post on the boards, or blogs.

Another place you can look is through your insurance company. They may have classes, support groups, or other resources that may work for you. That is how I end up finding out, and having weight loss surgery.

A great place for your support, is church. Yep, I said it. And you don't have to be a church goer to get the benefits of this support. Most churches have support groups like 12-step, or other recovery meetings. 12 step, you ask? Isn't that for drug users and alcoholics? No! It can be for you too. Check this - at least for me, the reason I got to an unhealthy weight is because I had an unhealthy relationship with food. Basically a food addict. A 12 step program can help you overcome this relationship and give you great tools to recover.

Finally - your family and friends. Never underestimate the power of love. I know that if I hadn't had the support from my friends and family I would not have been successful in completing my six month course of classes and other requirements to have the surgery in the first place. And chances are, someone you know already knows someone who has gone through what you are considering. That was what surprised me the most. When I first told my mother-in-law I was considering weight loss surgery, she said "Oh, yeah - so and so had that and has lost a ton of weight!". Wow. Just when you think you are alone in this journey, you're not.

Oh, and don't forget - you always have me!

That is all, for now - but I leave you with this:

"By associating with wise people you will become wise yourself" -- Menander