Last night was awesome. Kevin's birthday was Tuesday so I made him a cake. Chocolate with peanut butter frosting. I heard it was good :) Someone who said he didn't like cakes even liked it! And, I bowled pretty good, too. But best of all is I felt great. My stomach is killing me right now because I've missed a few days of taking Prilosec, but that's a small thing and already starting to resolve itself. It just felt really good to be able to interact with people and have fun instead of sitting and hiding because I felt like crap and couldn't keep my eyes open.
Kevin is quickly becoming a good friend. Sometimes you make a friend, and suggest to do things with them but it never works out.. and they never make suggestions or ask if you want to do/go anywhere? Kevin is totally opposite. We talk outside of bowling, text/facebook/phone, it's a really good feeling. That may sound weird, but I'm not sure I could explain it any other way. It's not just "okay, see ya Thursday." I like it.
School countdown - 17 days. Crazy! Please, start now! Well, maybe give me another week to get the apartment back together, but then... school, please. I only have 2 classes, but they are ones I am going to be struggling with. I plan on spending a lot of time at the LLRC with tutors.
Okay, time to get moving and do some cooking and cleaning.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Get with the program...
So, I last posted in February, and it was a paper that I had done for my English class. Fun, fun. I miss writing. The structure of the class was a bit tedious at times, but I was able to write like crazy and build up a portfolio of some pretty good work. I think about writing all the time; every time I am on my laptop I see the link for blogger on my favorites bar and think to myself, "self, you really should write more."
But honestly, I haven't had much to write about. Over Spring Break Jeremy and I took a 7 day cruise to Mexico. That was nice. Beyond nice, it was the perfect getaway. I finished the Spring semester on the President's Honor Roll (over 3.75 GPA) and am well on my way to transferring to Long Beach. I took the summer off, but am feeling the effects of not having anything to do during the day. I thought it would be great - I would volunteer at the tide pools, plus the Nature Interpretive Center is open now, I could volunteer some hours there. We bowl on Thursday nights and have been spending some quality time together. We've been to Universal quite a few times (we bought annual passes for Valentines Day), that's one of our favorite things to do. We've also been lucky enough to have been able to go to a handful of baseball games, both Angels and Dodgers.
My biggest issue right now (as it usually is) is my health. I'm sick. Again. Can't run away from your own body, I guess. I think I was born with a defective whatever-part-of-the-body that keeps you healthy. This time around, though, it's my thyroid. It's kaput. And, the medicine I'm taking (levoxyl) isn't doing what it is supposed to be doing. Well, strike that. It wasn't. The endocrinologist up'd my dose to 200mcg, which is total hormone replacement, and I have been feeling a little better. I'm not sure if it's the medicine working, or me pushing myself because I know school is starting soon and I just CANNOT be feeling like this once school starts. I think it's probably a little of both. Either way, it's only been a little better. I have a good day or two (never three... at least not yet) and I crash. My main symptoms are dizziness, weakness, tiredness (any other "ness" you can probably think of). Generally, it's a overall feeling of CRAP and needing to stay in bed all day except to use the restroom. Which doesn't hep (the staying in bed all day part...) because then I don't drink enough fluids, and I get dehydrated, which makes it worse...
My next appointment with the endocrinologist on the the 12th, and school starts on the 16th. I'm taking two classes, Intermediate Algebra and General Anatomy. Three days a week, but Monday is a night class and Tuesday I'm only there for an hour and a half. No school Wednesday or Friday. And, for once, I'm not taking any online classes so what I have in class is it, no extra work to keep up with. That's going to be strange, I usually overwork myself. I figure since math and science are my two weakest subjects, I'm going to need the extra time for tutoring and such. I'm not too proud to beg :)
Okay, I guess this is a long enough update for now. I'm sure I'll have plenty more to say tomorrow. Or, later. Or, whatever. Ta ta.
But honestly, I haven't had much to write about. Over Spring Break Jeremy and I took a 7 day cruise to Mexico. That was nice. Beyond nice, it was the perfect getaway. I finished the Spring semester on the President's Honor Roll (over 3.75 GPA) and am well on my way to transferring to Long Beach. I took the summer off, but am feeling the effects of not having anything to do during the day. I thought it would be great - I would volunteer at the tide pools, plus the Nature Interpretive Center is open now, I could volunteer some hours there. We bowl on Thursday nights and have been spending some quality time together. We've been to Universal quite a few times (we bought annual passes for Valentines Day), that's one of our favorite things to do. We've also been lucky enough to have been able to go to a handful of baseball games, both Angels and Dodgers.
My biggest issue right now (as it usually is) is my health. I'm sick. Again. Can't run away from your own body, I guess. I think I was born with a defective whatever-part-of-the-body that keeps you healthy. This time around, though, it's my thyroid. It's kaput. And, the medicine I'm taking (levoxyl) isn't doing what it is supposed to be doing. Well, strike that. It wasn't. The endocrinologist up'd my dose to 200mcg, which is total hormone replacement, and I have been feeling a little better. I'm not sure if it's the medicine working, or me pushing myself because I know school is starting soon and I just CANNOT be feeling like this once school starts. I think it's probably a little of both. Either way, it's only been a little better. I have a good day or two (never three... at least not yet) and I crash. My main symptoms are dizziness, weakness, tiredness (any other "ness" you can probably think of). Generally, it's a overall feeling of CRAP and needing to stay in bed all day except to use the restroom. Which doesn't hep (the staying in bed all day part...) because then I don't drink enough fluids, and I get dehydrated, which makes it worse...
My next appointment with the endocrinologist on the the 12th, and school starts on the 16th. I'm taking two classes, Intermediate Algebra and General Anatomy. Three days a week, but Monday is a night class and Tuesday I'm only there for an hour and a half. No school Wednesday or Friday. And, for once, I'm not taking any online classes so what I have in class is it, no extra work to keep up with. That's going to be strange, I usually overwork myself. I figure since math and science are my two weakest subjects, I'm going to need the extra time for tutoring and such. I'm not too proud to beg :)
Okay, I guess this is a long enough update for now. I'm sure I'll have plenty more to say tomorrow. Or, later. Or, whatever. Ta ta.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Future of Transportation
We had a choice of writing about the future of transportation or the future of fashion. Given my penchant for wearing jeans and t-shirts, I chose the transportation aspect. Enjoy!
~~~
When I think of the future of transportation, I think back to John F. Kennedy, and the challenge to put a man on the moon and return him safely to the earth by the end of the 1960’s. In that speech, President Kennedy created the “space race,” one of the most remarkable experiments in mankind’s history. In theory, that’s all it was; nothing had been accomplished at that point to suggest that it could even be done. Alan B. Shepard, Jr. had made the first American manned spaceflight aboard Freedom 7 in 1961. The total time for that flight was 15 minutes, 28 seconds, yet they turned this into the ultimate accomplishment – landing on the moon. If scientists could create all the new technology to put a man on the moon in less than 10 years, surely when partnered with capitalists, they can create commercial space travel within the next 100 years.
First, we have to be realistic and have a place for these space travelers to go. Let us presume there is a sustained human colony on the moon. This has been created by trained astronauts and scientists, engineers and contracted workers. They drilled the last hole, secured the last rivet, pumped an oxygen mixture that the human body can handle into the environment and washed the windows. Now, how do we get there?
The business world has already started the process of creating public transportation into space. Based on the Orteig Prize, won by Charles Lindbergh in 1927 for being the first to fly non-stop from New York to Paris, the $10 million X-PRIZE was announced in 1996. To win the prize, a team had to design, manufacture, and launch a space vehicle “…capable of carrying three people to 100 kilometers above the earth’s surface, twice within two weeks” (NASA.gov). Scaled Composites won the X-PRIZE in 2004, but more importantly, they opened the path of commercial space travel to other companies.
My vision of the future is of these sleek spacecrafts; launching on a weekly basis, from different sites around the globe. While the price of a ticket may be egregious at first, I see the cost of the flights going down; as engineers find more economic, yet safer, ways to build and fly these new ships. One of the contestants in the running for the X-PRIZE was Virgin Galactic, and they have taken the lead in personal space travel. For a small fee of $200,000, you can apply for a booking on one of their future spaceflights.
Located in New Mexico, the world’s first commercial space terminal, “Spaceport America” is under construction through the collaboration of Virgin Galactic and the State of New Mexico. A $200 million state-funded project, the spaceport is located on 27 square miles of southern New Mexico’s “Land of Enchantment.” Just one more small step for man, and we will be sending all types of civilians into space, to do the things that only astronauts aboard space shuttles and the International Space Station had previously been able to do.
~~~
When I think of the future of transportation, I think back to John F. Kennedy, and the challenge to put a man on the moon and return him safely to the earth by the end of the 1960’s. In that speech, President Kennedy created the “space race,” one of the most remarkable experiments in mankind’s history. In theory, that’s all it was; nothing had been accomplished at that point to suggest that it could even be done. Alan B. Shepard, Jr. had made the first American manned spaceflight aboard Freedom 7 in 1961. The total time for that flight was 15 minutes, 28 seconds, yet they turned this into the ultimate accomplishment – landing on the moon. If scientists could create all the new technology to put a man on the moon in less than 10 years, surely when partnered with capitalists, they can create commercial space travel within the next 100 years.
First, we have to be realistic and have a place for these space travelers to go. Let us presume there is a sustained human colony on the moon. This has been created by trained astronauts and scientists, engineers and contracted workers. They drilled the last hole, secured the last rivet, pumped an oxygen mixture that the human body can handle into the environment and washed the windows. Now, how do we get there?
The business world has already started the process of creating public transportation into space. Based on the Orteig Prize, won by Charles Lindbergh in 1927 for being the first to fly non-stop from New York to Paris, the $10 million X-PRIZE was announced in 1996. To win the prize, a team had to design, manufacture, and launch a space vehicle “…capable of carrying three people to 100 kilometers above the earth’s surface, twice within two weeks” (NASA.gov). Scaled Composites won the X-PRIZE in 2004, but more importantly, they opened the path of commercial space travel to other companies.
My vision of the future is of these sleek spacecrafts; launching on a weekly basis, from different sites around the globe. While the price of a ticket may be egregious at first, I see the cost of the flights going down; as engineers find more economic, yet safer, ways to build and fly these new ships. One of the contestants in the running for the X-PRIZE was Virgin Galactic, and they have taken the lead in personal space travel. For a small fee of $200,000, you can apply for a booking on one of their future spaceflights.
Located in New Mexico, the world’s first commercial space terminal, “Spaceport America” is under construction through the collaboration of Virgin Galactic and the State of New Mexico. A $200 million state-funded project, the spaceport is located on 27 square miles of southern New Mexico’s “Land of Enchantment.” Just one more small step for man, and we will be sending all types of civilians into space, to do the things that only astronauts aboard space shuttles and the International Space Station had previously been able to do.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Physical Description of a Stranger Assignment
I got an A on this last assignment; it was to describe another (unknown) person in 750 words. It could not be someone you knew, or a celebrity. I had fun!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walking slowly through the mall, my subject seemed not to notice anything at first; she was enveloped in her own thoughts and seemed blissful. The smile on her face, while thin, told of a soul that was at ease with the world and her place in it.
The posture she held was slightly bent over, her feet shuffling with each step. In her right hand she held a cane, although it appeared she seldom used it while she walked. She would occasionally use it while paused at a kiosk. Sometimes it looked like she would get a burst of superpower energy, stand erect, and march to the next kiosk.
Her clothes look freshly laundered, as if put on right out of the dryer. The shirt she wore was a white button down dress shirt, and it was tucked into her skirt. Although she wore an overcoat, you could see the shirt hanging from her lean frame, her collarbones easily showing through the fabric.
She wore a knee length tan skirt that fell from her waist, and had a slight stain on the lower hem. The skirt had two brown accent stripes that ran down along either side. There were a few rhinestones sown along the bottom of the hem. Under the skirt she wore opaque white tights that were pristine; a slight contradiction to the stained skirt.
Her low-heeled shoes provided her with the ability to walk comfortably while still being fashionable. They were black patent leather, but worn. I caught the dull reflection of the fluorescent lights that adorned the ceiling of the mall. You could tell that she was fond of these shoes; there were cracked lines along the sides. When she walked past me, I could hear the creak of worn leather.
The woman carried a thin white purse, and a fabric reusable grocery bag. The bag was green in color, with brown handles; and there was a “Recycle-Reduce-Reuse” logo printed on the exterior. It overflowed with bargains she found that day while shopping. Peeking out the top of the bag was a plastic-wrapped loofah, and six inches of yarn trailed off the side.
Trying to see past the woman’s clothing, and the bags she was carrying, I looked directly at her face. I hoped she wouldn’t catch my gaze, and she didn’t. I was close enough to see the slate gray of her eyes. They were framed with lids that were semi-transparent, and contently half closed. I would not have noticed the color of her eyes if not for the rhinestone necklace that she wore around her neck. The two colors played off each other, shimmering.
The necklace had accompanying earrings, which dangled from her delicate ears. I was close enough to see the weight of the earrings pulling down on her lobes, and to see a small mark just below her right ear. Trying not to be conspicuous, I moved from my spot to get a look at the mark. I was surprised to see a small Star of David. That piqued my curiosity. I wanted to speak to the woman, and ask her about her life. I was sure she had many stories to tell, and that I could sit for hours listening. I was interrupted in that thought when my husband approached me and asked how my research was going. I went back to silent and still observation.
Her tresses were long – falling to just above her waist – quite unusual for a lady of her age. They were a natural shade of blonde, with radiant silver highlights. Her bangs were pulled back in a brown tortoiseshell barrette. Every once in a while, a strand would fall across her face, and she would brush it away with a sweep of her hand. If she caught her reflection in a mirror, she would study herself to make sure each hair was in place, and that she was presentable to the next kiosk attendant.
The skin of her hands was as paper-thin as her eyelids, and I could see the small veins beneath her skin. There were some small liver spots on both of her hands, but not noticeable at just a glance. The hand that held the cane gripped it tightly, and her knuckles were white. Her nails were acrylic, and finely manicured. Bright pink, they stood out from the rest of her outfit.
Taking a step back from my intense studying of each detail of my subject, I took a moment to take an overall look at her. She was, indeed, beautiful: an elegant lady of later age. I can only hope that when I am that age, and a random person is studying me for their English project that they see the same classy lady that I saw today.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walking slowly through the mall, my subject seemed not to notice anything at first; she was enveloped in her own thoughts and seemed blissful. The smile on her face, while thin, told of a soul that was at ease with the world and her place in it.
The posture she held was slightly bent over, her feet shuffling with each step. In her right hand she held a cane, although it appeared she seldom used it while she walked. She would occasionally use it while paused at a kiosk. Sometimes it looked like she would get a burst of superpower energy, stand erect, and march to the next kiosk.
Her clothes look freshly laundered, as if put on right out of the dryer. The shirt she wore was a white button down dress shirt, and it was tucked into her skirt. Although she wore an overcoat, you could see the shirt hanging from her lean frame, her collarbones easily showing through the fabric.
She wore a knee length tan skirt that fell from her waist, and had a slight stain on the lower hem. The skirt had two brown accent stripes that ran down along either side. There were a few rhinestones sown along the bottom of the hem. Under the skirt she wore opaque white tights that were pristine; a slight contradiction to the stained skirt.
Her low-heeled shoes provided her with the ability to walk comfortably while still being fashionable. They were black patent leather, but worn. I caught the dull reflection of the fluorescent lights that adorned the ceiling of the mall. You could tell that she was fond of these shoes; there were cracked lines along the sides. When she walked past me, I could hear the creak of worn leather.
The woman carried a thin white purse, and a fabric reusable grocery bag. The bag was green in color, with brown handles; and there was a “Recycle-Reduce-Reuse” logo printed on the exterior. It overflowed with bargains she found that day while shopping. Peeking out the top of the bag was a plastic-wrapped loofah, and six inches of yarn trailed off the side.
Trying to see past the woman’s clothing, and the bags she was carrying, I looked directly at her face. I hoped she wouldn’t catch my gaze, and she didn’t. I was close enough to see the slate gray of her eyes. They were framed with lids that were semi-transparent, and contently half closed. I would not have noticed the color of her eyes if not for the rhinestone necklace that she wore around her neck. The two colors played off each other, shimmering.
The necklace had accompanying earrings, which dangled from her delicate ears. I was close enough to see the weight of the earrings pulling down on her lobes, and to see a small mark just below her right ear. Trying not to be conspicuous, I moved from my spot to get a look at the mark. I was surprised to see a small Star of David. That piqued my curiosity. I wanted to speak to the woman, and ask her about her life. I was sure she had many stories to tell, and that I could sit for hours listening. I was interrupted in that thought when my husband approached me and asked how my research was going. I went back to silent and still observation.
Her tresses were long – falling to just above her waist – quite unusual for a lady of her age. They were a natural shade of blonde, with radiant silver highlights. Her bangs were pulled back in a brown tortoiseshell barrette. Every once in a while, a strand would fall across her face, and she would brush it away with a sweep of her hand. If she caught her reflection in a mirror, she would study herself to make sure each hair was in place, and that she was presentable to the next kiosk attendant.
The skin of her hands was as paper-thin as her eyelids, and I could see the small veins beneath her skin. There were some small liver spots on both of her hands, but not noticeable at just a glance. The hand that held the cane gripped it tightly, and her knuckles were white. Her nails were acrylic, and finely manicured. Bright pink, they stood out from the rest of her outfit.
Taking a step back from my intense studying of each detail of my subject, I took a moment to take an overall look at her. She was, indeed, beautiful: an elegant lady of later age. I can only hope that when I am that age, and a random person is studying me for their English project that they see the same classy lady that I saw today.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
A Thai Student Writes Home.
Our next assignment in English was to be a student from Thailand studying in Canberra, Australia, and to write a letter home. Writing this made me want to visit both places!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maae rak,
The University of Canberra is everything I imagined it to be. We just finished a week of orientation for international students, with subjects such as adjusting to living and studying in Australia, an introduction to the University’s policies and procedures, and even a workshop on International Student Visa requirements. I wish I had easier access to some of this information before I arrived here!
The main thing they wanted to stress upon us is that we need to pay attention to our surroundings. They did not go as far as to say that we are not safe while off campus, but they definitely wanted us to be aware of certain areas. There is a public housing district that does not have the best reputation, so they gave us alternate methods of transportation to avoid the area. Another Thai exchange student likened the area to Sukhumvit Road; there are many drug dealers and prostitutes, and people that will take advantage of you at every turn.
After the staff dimmed our minds with the mandatory administrative things (and almost scared us into spending the rest of the week in the housing facility), they took us on a bus tour of Canberra. It was about only two hours, but it took us to the most visited tourist spots. We were only able to leave the bus for a short time, but we were given a good base knowledge on what we should do when we finally have time on our own. There are so many things I want to see!
Since I am an accounting major, I’m sure you can appreciate my excitement when we made a brief snack stop outside the Royal Australian Mint. I was able to speak with a khaawng, who frequents the Mint, and he told me that tours are self-guided and free! You can get into the museum, and also view the factory floor where the coins are manufactured. I can see myself spending an entire day there. Or perhaps a few; you know how I am in museums.
There is another place that I found interesting; the Australian War Memorial. They currently have an exhibit, “of Love and War”, that looks at the relationship that love had in the lives of Australian servicemen and women during war. It is easy to think of dtaa ga yaai and how their love reached many distances. The exhibit runs until the beginning of May, which is just enough time for me to visit before my trip home.
While Australia is a world away from Thailand, there are subtle reminders of home. This morning, as I walked through the campus, I saw a black swan. It brought back a memory of that English pub “The Black Swan” in Bangkok where my friends and I celebrated graduation. Did you know that alcohol was originally prohibited in Canberra? Just like how Thailand restricts alcohol sales just prior to election days.
In preparation for our management class starting on Monday, we are taking a trip this weekend to Brisbane. There is a conference at the Australian Institute of Management. It’s just the girls for this particular trip, giving us a chance to connect with other women and a chance for us to learn from someone who has become successful in her chosen field. The lady who will be hosting the seminar this weekend is Christine Sullivan, one of Brisbane’s leading Naturopaths in natural fertility. I know that this particular subject doesn’t fit with my career plans, but there is a lot that I can learn regarding personal discipline, management styles, and how to interact with clients. I am really looking forward to hearing her speak.
Our trip to Brisbane is not just work, work, and more work – we have Sunday completely free before we catch our flight in the evening back to Canberra. Our maae laao (who makes these trips quite regularly) has arranged for us to go on a personal tour of Steve Irwin’s Australia Zoo. We will have a photographer provided by the Zoo with us to capture our encounters with Australia’s indigenous creatures. I’ll make sure to get some pictures with a koala for you; I know they are your favorite!
Other than classes, our trip to Brisbane, and the few museums that I want to visit, I plan to try and relax as much as I can. I tend to overwork myself, convincing myself that I have to be at my best for everything I do. It can get tiring to try and be at 200% all of the time. I found a perfect spot on campus where I can sit under a tree with a book or my iPod and just take in where I am, and how beautiful it is. I wish you were here to see it.
I will write again soon. I am keeping a photo journal of everything I do, so I’ll be sending some pictures home soon. Can you put them in a box for me, so I can organize them when I get back? I love you, and will call you soon.
With Love, Lawan-Kulap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maae rak,
The University of Canberra is everything I imagined it to be. We just finished a week of orientation for international students, with subjects such as adjusting to living and studying in Australia, an introduction to the University’s policies and procedures, and even a workshop on International Student Visa requirements. I wish I had easier access to some of this information before I arrived here!
The main thing they wanted to stress upon us is that we need to pay attention to our surroundings. They did not go as far as to say that we are not safe while off campus, but they definitely wanted us to be aware of certain areas. There is a public housing district that does not have the best reputation, so they gave us alternate methods of transportation to avoid the area. Another Thai exchange student likened the area to Sukhumvit Road; there are many drug dealers and prostitutes, and people that will take advantage of you at every turn.
After the staff dimmed our minds with the mandatory administrative things (and almost scared us into spending the rest of the week in the housing facility), they took us on a bus tour of Canberra. It was about only two hours, but it took us to the most visited tourist spots. We were only able to leave the bus for a short time, but we were given a good base knowledge on what we should do when we finally have time on our own. There are so many things I want to see!
Since I am an accounting major, I’m sure you can appreciate my excitement when we made a brief snack stop outside the Royal Australian Mint. I was able to speak with a khaawng, who frequents the Mint, and he told me that tours are self-guided and free! You can get into the museum, and also view the factory floor where the coins are manufactured. I can see myself spending an entire day there. Or perhaps a few; you know how I am in museums.
There is another place that I found interesting; the Australian War Memorial. They currently have an exhibit, “of Love and War”, that looks at the relationship that love had in the lives of Australian servicemen and women during war. It is easy to think of dtaa ga yaai and how their love reached many distances. The exhibit runs until the beginning of May, which is just enough time for me to visit before my trip home.
While Australia is a world away from Thailand, there are subtle reminders of home. This morning, as I walked through the campus, I saw a black swan. It brought back a memory of that English pub “The Black Swan” in Bangkok where my friends and I celebrated graduation. Did you know that alcohol was originally prohibited in Canberra? Just like how Thailand restricts alcohol sales just prior to election days.
In preparation for our management class starting on Monday, we are taking a trip this weekend to Brisbane. There is a conference at the Australian Institute of Management. It’s just the girls for this particular trip, giving us a chance to connect with other women and a chance for us to learn from someone who has become successful in her chosen field. The lady who will be hosting the seminar this weekend is Christine Sullivan, one of Brisbane’s leading Naturopaths in natural fertility. I know that this particular subject doesn’t fit with my career plans, but there is a lot that I can learn regarding personal discipline, management styles, and how to interact with clients. I am really looking forward to hearing her speak.
Our trip to Brisbane is not just work, work, and more work – we have Sunday completely free before we catch our flight in the evening back to Canberra. Our maae laao (who makes these trips quite regularly) has arranged for us to go on a personal tour of Steve Irwin’s Australia Zoo. We will have a photographer provided by the Zoo with us to capture our encounters with Australia’s indigenous creatures. I’ll make sure to get some pictures with a koala for you; I know they are your favorite!
Other than classes, our trip to Brisbane, and the few museums that I want to visit, I plan to try and relax as much as I can. I tend to overwork myself, convincing myself that I have to be at my best for everything I do. It can get tiring to try and be at 200% all of the time. I found a perfect spot on campus where I can sit under a tree with a book or my iPod and just take in where I am, and how beautiful it is. I wish you were here to see it.
I will write again soon. I am keeping a photo journal of everything I do, so I’ll be sending some pictures home soon. Can you put them in a box for me, so I can organize them when I get back? I love you, and will call you soon.
With Love, Lawan-Kulap.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
The Cypress College Library
Our next assignment was to do a 300 word essay about our school library. I was lost at first, because what do you write about a library for 300 words? I'm pretty proud with what I came up with:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One thing came to mind as I wandered through the Cypress College Library this week. I love books. I love the smell, the weight of the book in my hands, the way the spine gives way when you open an older volume. I love the sound of the pages turning and the feel of the ink that sometimes rubs off on your fingers. I chose an aisle to explore and I was not disappointed.
Before walking through the aisle, I stepped back and took in what I was seeing. The bookcases were around fifteen feet long and just over six feet tall. Each case had six shelves, and each shelf was brimming with books. There were tall books and short books; fat books and thin books. There were books that looked and felt centuries old, and some that appeared to have never been opened.
I started down the aisle, but I did not get far. I have no memory of the title or author of the book that I had found, but I was drawn to it like a curator to freshly uncovered artifacts. The work was leather bound, with silver embossment on the cover. I ran my fingers across the front and felt the contours of the volume. I held it to my face and breathed in; I could smell the parchment and I imagined the papyrus of ancient Egypt. I opened to the first page and felt it between my fingers. It was thin and fragile, and had a note written in pencil in the upper corner. The writing appeared to be feminine. I wanted to know about the person who had written the message. Who was it for? What was she feeling when she wrote the inscription? Did the person for whom it was meant ever have a chance to read it?
As I was placing the book back into its place, I caught a glimpse of my watch. I had spent forty-five minutes with my new friend and hadn’t read a word of the text. Smiling to myself, I wondered if others understood the pleasure of simply opening a book. I can only hope so.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
An English Essay
I am taking an College Writing course this semester, and our first assignment was to write about a Significant Emotional Event. I only had one that I could possibly write about with any detail and clarity. Warning for those of you who may know me: this is VERY personal. There are things in this short paper that you may not have known; if this surprises you, or hurts you, I am sorry. I have decided to post my writings from class here, mainly to get myself back into posting. So, this one's for me.
When asked to write about a significant event in my life, I found that the event I wanted to write about was not one event, but a series of episodes leading up to one very disturbing incident. My story begins almost fifteen years ago, and will take you up to the present, where I am still trying to recover.
Four and a half years ago, I was diagnosed as bipolar (also referred to as manic depressive). The process of diagnosis was a long one – years before, I had been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The cause of this was a physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive marriage. I left three years into the marriage, leaving behind my home, my family, and my two year old daughter.
I was scared, and alone. I took a Greyhound bus as far away as I could get, which ended up being California. I met a guy, I fell in love, and slowly I started the healing process. At least, that’s what I thought I was doing. In reality, I was drinking myself into a stupor every night trying to forget who I was, where I had come from, and what I had experienced. As the past started to fade away, I found that I no longer needed the person I was in a relationship with, and we broke up.
The following few months were a blur to me; I had many drunk nights crashed on someone’s couch or floor. Finally, I was to the point where I had given up; it was time for me to go home, face the music, and grow up. I was a week away from moving back to a job and an apartment when I met Jeremy. He took my breath away. We started dating, and eventually we moved in together. In December of 2004 he proposed, and I accepted. I was on my way to having a life without pain. Then my world crashed down. One weekend the next May I received a phone call from my mother; she seemed excited and out of breath. I was a little afraid at first because of the shakiness of her voice. Then she spit out the words, “I spoke to Ron!” Ron is my ex-husband. Ron is who I had been trying to forget the last seven years. Ron is who I was afraid of.
I had my first panic attack about a week after that phone call. I knew I had to talk to him; my daughter had just turned ten, and she was asking questions. She wanted to know about me and why I had left. Yet before I could talk to her, I had to speak to him. My panic attacks grew more frequent, and a week after my wedding that September, I had my first thoughts of suicide.
To understand what was happening, it needs to be explained that I was not thinking of suicide because I thought there was no reason for living. My motive was simple – I wanted to end the panic attacks. I was so frustrated; the panic attacks went from once a week, to a few per week, to a few every day. My days were spent in bed, under the covers, and with the doors locked. While I never actually attempted suicide, the thoughts were frequent enough for me to be scared. One night, I went further than I had before and went to the kitchen, opened a drawer, and pulled out a knife.
I immediately went to my husband. I knew that I wasn’t thinking clearly and needed help. He took me to the local emergency room and after being evaluated by the psychiatrist, it was determined that I needed to be admitted into the hospital. Luckily, I was given the choice to go voluntarily instead of being involuntary admitted. I was in the psychiatric ward of Loma Linda for a week. It was terrifying at first – there were patients there that talked to themselves, that had nervous ticks; some even tried to hurt other patients. I felt so lost. As the week passed, I started going to therapy groups and the doctors started me on medication. They did evaluation after evaluation.
After my release from the hospital, things did not immediately get better. I was still having panic attacks every day, although the medication started to help me sleep at night. Over the next two months I was hospitalized two more times at different facilities. Finally, it seemed the diagnosis was right, the medication was right, and the panic attacks started to subside. I still struggle with my anxiety and panic on a day to day basis, and my medication needs to be adjusted now and then. However, I have made much progress. I am in school, going to classes, being around people I do not know; and I am doing well.
I know that my story doesn’t end here, and that I have years ahead of me to deal with my illness. I know that there will be ups and downs, and there is always the possibility that I will once again need to be hospitalized. There is a difference now, though. I have hope. I know I can make it through and do more than just survive. I can live.
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